I heard the words yesterday...

   I heard the words yesterday like one would hear their own name spoken behind their back: "Life goes on with or without you - take it or leave it, pal." - And that was that.  I don't have many intriguing thoughts of life and living that life, but I have lived for a time and in that living I know that I have picked up odds and ends here and there.  Of such things as happiness, dances, smiles, songs, giggles, roaring laughter, fun, the ever after, freedom, driving off into unknown places hitting speeds that the law would frown upon, love, fresh coffee, sushi, sleep and the dreams that come with sleeping, art, music, movies, hot baths in Wisconsin winter, cool pools in the Wisconsin summer, colorful leaves in the Wisconsin autumn, vibrant lilacs in the Wisconsin spring....
There is another side of it too:
   The pain of loss, hate, envy, lust, prejudices, biases, abuse, genocide, war, crooks; corrupt pastors, corrupt teachers, corrupt police, corrupt postal workers, corrupt politicians, corrupt organists with the pastors, corrupt children led by corrupt adults... that list goes on too.  Along with low self-esteem, bitterness, pride that leads it all, irreverence that follows, hunger, thirst, full bellies and sopping wet mouths; ships sinking, planes crashing, the sky falling; people lying, all-for-sport hunting, children dying, drug-use, and alcohol abuse, porn's evil stare, and the men and women involved, junior high nastiness, senior high trash, college-aged divorce; the history that keeps on repeating, repeating, repeating... and all the while life continues on with or without you, and that is that.
   So we're left with a choice, right?  When something needs to be done, what do I do?  When something needs to be said, what the hell do I say?  Whom do I trust?  Whom do I follow?  Whom do I lead?  Whom do I date?  Whom do I marry?  Do I marry the person I'm dating?  Is there someone better? (The grass is always greener, right?)  What do I study?  What on earth do I do with my life?  Whose lap do I crawl into for comfort?  Whose hand do I hold for strength?  What words should I write down next in this book that has yet to find its direction?  What shirt should I wear today?  What dress should I buy for next Christmas?  A whole heck-of-a lot of choices - some have their points and some seem rather pointless.  That is until you find yourself in that particular situation sitting next to that beautiful someone that causes your underarms to sweat and your speech to become slow and spitty.  When you're second-guessing the shirt you're wearing, the dress you should have bought for last Christmas, and all of those choices that you could have made and, perhaps, should have made.  All of this running through your mind like a hyperactive child in his back yard in July - up until now, when you realize that you are sitting next to a beautiful friend that you might want to share all of your crazy world with; and all of that foolish thinking dissipates into their eyes... and that is that.
   There is something about that crazy world of ours however.  So few know who we truly are because so few people allow themselves to be truly known.  When someone tries to get close many pull away for fear that this person will find them out and won't enjoy them anymore, or fear that this other person will be let in and then will end up hurting them because so many have done it before and they are destined for failure and that no one could possibly love them that much or could possibly want to stay with them for the rest of their crazy life.  Many also try to pull away because of love, because we too often believe that when someone says that they love us they actually mean it.  Either that or the other, which they don't mean a lick of it and they simply would like to use us for their own gain or pleasure.  Anyhow, that love can be the freakiest thing ever--that is if it is true.  True love means having a beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt sticking with this person, no matter what happens.  That if you fall down they pick you up, or if you screw up and make a mess of things they forgive you and help you clean up.
   Often, my greatest frustration is the love that God has for me.  The greatest love anyone could have for anyone, He has for me.  The reason why I have become so frustrated with this love is because I cannot get past the fact that I am forgiven for everything over and over and over again.  I cannot get past the fact that I continue to fall down and make a mess of things, and He never ceases to pick me up and forgive me and help me clean up... and that is that.

Currently Listening MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 By Lauryn Hill I Remember see related

a while, quite a while.

Currently Reading Under the Overpass : A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America By Mike Yankoski see related

I don't know why I've been writing so much in this thing lately... usually there is quite a gap between each entry.  This week though, ah yes!

Do you ever choose to view the world sideways?  Yes, lying down, head to pillow, fetal position, hands clasped comfortably under your head... is this a good view?  Now, in some circumstances this view is a lazy, lackadaisical one, but do you ever take into account that we may need the rest and that a world viewed sideways is a world viewed with patience and understanding because of your relaxed state of mind?  I say we give it a shot... but a sideways view is not an unprepared view, no what I mean?

Just something for me to chew on, I'd love for you to join.

They will know we are Christians by our...

It has been on my mind for years and years as to why the goal of "winning others over for Christ Jesus" has become a difficult and somewhat feared task.  Yep, I truly believe that it must be easier, truly.

...Love.

I never really know what to say when I place an entry on this site... just thought it would be a good way for a few more people to get to know me a bit better.  Well, I never know what to type until I begin typing and even then I continue to type without a real clue of what I am writing down, like right now... don't really know what to type or what it is that I am typing.  And mainly, what I write is just as much for myself as it is for anyone else - we're in this together... if no one is there to kick me in the pants I kick myself....

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "man, what the heck am I doing...".  This thought could be in any circumstance, be it foolishness, anger, heroism, cowardice, love, pride... yep, pretty much anything.  However, I am thinking of the circumstance being of life in general... what the heck are we doing here, today, tomorrow, the next day - now we can't get too ahead of ourselves or else we will become no good for the day that we are in, but am I wrong in this... who doesn't think, "what the heck am I doing today..."?

I think I found a solution.  Stop being so pig-headed and stubborn.  Yep, that is just about it, oh and selfish - yeah, three things that will bring you straight to your knees crying "THIS LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!" - Solomon did it.  The truth is, if we let go of the little things, the personal desires and self-gratifying pleasures; The frame of mind that blocks out any hint of not getting life to be our own way... again, am I wrong?  Jesus said it, Jesus did it... selflessness, "put yourself last by putting others above you", "love your neighbor well, as you would love yourself well", "Get a life and stop being so caught up in the little things - emotions, relationships gone wrong, majors, minors, clothes, food, money, occupation, climbing that ol' corporate ladder that has been continually climbed since sin entered this world, the ironic thing is is that everyone who gets even close to the top falls down, every single rung to the bottom where they are again faced with the LIFE changing question, "will you serve Me?  Will you forget about all those little things that you want and get out of your pride-riding boat and follow Me?".  Have you been faced with that question lately?  I don't care if you decided to follow Jesus when you were three and a half, we all need to be reminded and re-kicked, am I wrong to say so?  If I am wrong then show me the reaped harvest... there is a plentiful world out there full of people just like you and I who need the love of Christ to be known to them, however, the workers are so few... will you get off of your pride-riding horse and follow Jesus and work for a living?  There may be days when you get up and ask, "what the heck am I doing?", but I guarantee that at the end of all your days you won't have a doubt in your mind that if you truly lived, even though you did not (and you will not) see all of the seeds sown and reaped, you will not be disappointed or let down, God is not one to ever let anyone down, never - think about it if you don't believe me... seriously.

Thanks for reading,
            Josh Calhoun

Currently Reading And the Shofar Blew (Moving Fiction) By Francine Rivers see related